I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
