I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
