Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
