There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Actions speak louder than pants.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
