Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
is wine microwaveable?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
