I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
