I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
