Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
