Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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