HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
