roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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