HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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