i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize