Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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