My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
