yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
