I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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