sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
