break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
