Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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