If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
