I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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