hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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