Rock
Scissors
Fuck
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
