I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
