Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize
