I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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