I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
