Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
