I am puke
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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