I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
