ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
