I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
