what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
