She said her name was "party"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
