State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I did not marry a roomba.
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