Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
