So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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