I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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