he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
