I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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