I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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