Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
