I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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