hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
