I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
