i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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