Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
