his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Can you bring me the toilet please
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
