shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize