He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Green mimosas i think yes
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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