She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
