I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
