I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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