Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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