Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
