who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
