I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
