I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
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