i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
