So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
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I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
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My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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