this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
