bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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