he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
