the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
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it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
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BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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