I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
