What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I said "one day" and that day is not today
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
