She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
