He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
