Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
