today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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