I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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