What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
