I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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