is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my shit smells like andre
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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