If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
