It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
