the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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