please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
