You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
