there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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