I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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