it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
