I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
