i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
