Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
